The lady was a snatch theft victim.
Her head hurt - internal haemorrhage. They said "do the bleeding test for her". I pricked her ear, and counted. And waited. And it didn't stop bleeding.
2 minutes was normal.
4 minutes was prolonged.
6 minutes was the point of self-doubt.
8 minutes was the longest 8 minutes ever.
She kept reaching for the back of her head. She kept wincing and the nurse had to keep her hand waving me away. We had to push her hair from her ears. She kept mumbling how it hurt.
But I can't stop until the bleeding stops. The bleeding can't stop until the doctor stops it. The doctor can't stop it until the bleeding stops and I get a result and they can arrange the blood so that her bleeding stops.
Please, please, stop bleeding.
****
My colleague broke down. Came to my room and sat. The psychiatrist is on leave, but she needs her pills.
She needs to sleep and rest.
She needs the sleep for the pain to go away.
She needs the pills so she won't feel so lonely.
She needs to not feel lonely so she can face the world.
She needs to face the world because her kids need her.
Her kids had a kid argument and she snapped. Thrashed one, threw them out of the room. Shut their crying away. Why mummy why she do this what's wrong with mummy mummy don't be angry, they wail.
Why mummy why she do this to me what's wrong with me mummy speak to me, she's crying.
Her parents think she's a joke,
her colleagues think it's a joke,
if she takes the kids and die, it'll also be a joke, she says.
But it's not. It's not a joke. She doesn't have drive. She doesn't see solutions. She wants to die. And she's crying like I've never seen her cry. She can't work - she can't think straight enough to work. No, you can't push her to work the shift, he said. Get someone else. I'm serious, she can't work. Activate the standby system, he said.
Then the doctor called her in, and she faded off into the weekend.
****
Armchair activism is a big fat crock of lies.
We tweet hotlines and information endlessly to everyone we know.
We press the join button for every Facebook cause people send us.
What does it do besides tell people you support something?
You wear a ribbon and run around in it - does it say anything besides you're wearing a ribbon?
When real people around you collapse, when they're defeated, will you be there?
How will you be around when you're sitting in front of your screen while someone behind you sinks and fades away?
I sat there and I saw her. I tried to listen, tried to help.
It was all I could do, and it wasn't enough. It'll never be.
Do you think you can take all the information you have and put it to good use?
Seriously?
Start doing.
Save her life. Prove me wrong.
I'll stand here with a pillow and a laugh when you're finally tired.